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When someone we love dies it can be overwhelming and seem impossible to assimilate this new idea into your world. Our minds do not truly understand how to accept the idea that someone exists one day and is gone the next, never to return. We can be confused or frustrated by our reactions and not know what is “normal.” Here are a few ideas to keep in mind to help you to get through. more...
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When a friend is grieving the loss of a loved one we can feel helpless in making it better or easier for them. Sometimes we think we’re doing the right thing by trying to cheer them up, pointing out the positives or letting them know they should move on. Unfortunately what we’re usually doing is putting more pressure on them or leaving them feeling invalidated. Here are some things to help you to be a true support. more...
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You sit down at your computer and log on to Facebook. In the top right corner, you notice a “friend request.” You click on it anticipating a co-worker or college roommate, hoping not to find your high school biology partner. When the new page opens, your heart skips a beat. It is your ex. You glance over your shoulder to see if your spouse noticed, but you are all alone. Now what do you do?
Years ago, we learned the Internet is a dangerous place for our professional lives. Remember the email about your fire-breathing boss you intended to send to a friend and accidentally sent to your boss instead? It turns out the Internet is dangerous for our relationships as well. more...
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Most everyone has heard about the importance of being more mindful. "I need to live in the present moment" is something that many clients say when they start therapy. What if I were to tell you your best teacher is likely lying under your chair (or in your lap) at this very moment?
Mindfulness means focusing the attention on something in the present moment. Mindfulness is always "of" something. So mindful breathing is focusing attention fully on breathing. Mindful sadness is focusing attention fully on the experience and expression of sadness. Some things are easier to be mindful of than others. more...
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Hope is a Labrador retriever. Despair is a slithering mollusk. With hope you take on life as it presents itself. With despair you hide behind a false face and life wanders by unnoticed.
Hope is Amanda's lemonade stand next door last June. A folding chair, a plywood platform, a pitcher and a sign. Amanda watched the street all afternoon, her brown eyes wide. It is a quiet street with little traffic. The pitcher never emptied. But she had a few customers and a reservoir of determination. more...
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Ruth talks about her anger, but she won't say anger. It's frustration, she tells me, with the million demands at work and home, with no one helping out. Her kids sit in front of TV. Her husband walks past the mountain of laundry. Each night she must get food on the table, clean up, get homework done and bathe the children. How come no one else sees the unmade beds or the stacks of things on the staircase waiting to go up? more...
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