Individual psychotherapy, family therapy, and couples therapy — custom designed for you.
Our counselors know that your life can improve even when you believe it can't. They know life is a marvel and life hurts. Read this site to see how we bring expertise, determination, and wise hearts to your problems.We have helped hundreds of lives. We are ready to help you.
A Closer Look - Each month our lens will focus on one important issue: Let's start with
How to Survive an Affair
Until it happens to you, a number of beliefs may lodge in your mind:
- If my spouse had an affair I would end the marriage
- Only people without morals go astray
- I would never be tempted because I believe marriage is forever
An actual affair shatters all that. The person you thought above reproach, whether you or your partner, is capable of the big betrayal. Like a grenade, the news explodes all trust and beliefs. Emotions ignite fireworks in every color.
You are in a sudden transition into an unknown landscape. Can the betrayed spouse ever forgive? Or forget? Can the betrayer stop the other relationship? Or want to? What damage will it cause the third party? Can we survive or is this the final straw? Transitions take a while to sort out.
In the days that follow discovery of an affair, there is a seesawing between what the marriage has meant til now and what this news means about the future. For many couples it is a time of discovering that parting is not a real option. You may even find you each become more honest in this early time.
In the early raw emotions a couple needs a wise outsider. That is where a therapist comes in. We have learned over and over that a couple who decides to learn from an affair, to remain committed to the marriage, can become emotionally closer than they ever were before the affair. We also know that for some there is no turning back. The couple damage done before the affair was too painful and the affair marked the end for one or both. These couples also need a place to manage the transition and remain self respecting.
It can be done. A couples therapist creates a different dialogue in the office than most of us manage at home. The talk at home is crisis-driven. The office talk is calmer, exploring. The talk at home is likely argumentative. Whose fault is it? Office talk is more like this: what in the world happened here? At home one person may get the floor and not let go. In the office a therapist creates room for all views.
Because the conversation is different, the outcome is different. A couple may arrive on the defensive. Since the therapist is not a judge, there is room to lay aside defenses. People who tend to go silent when emotions are brewing will find a way to let a therapist know what's in their mind. People who explode with their emotions can down-gear with a therapist's help and then their thoughts come across more clearly. Each spouse needs better feedback, if they are to break old habits together. Habits can be broken. Attitudes can change. It takes this different kind of conversation.
Questions? Call today: 630-377-7226.
Teens require a particular way of understanding. So do their parents. We have specialists in teens. They know when a problem is normal teen behavior and when it is a sign of something more. They know how to relate to the particular variety of teen you live with. They also know how to teach you and your teen to get a better outcome. Therapy is an investment in your teen's future. Click here for skilled teen therapists: Deborah Miller-Lunsford, LCSW; Julie DeFalco, LCSW; Stephanie Nelson-Gerhardt, LMFT.